Grief during the Holidays

Grief during the Holidays

Grief is the response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or some living thing that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, grief also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, spiritual, and philosophical dimensions.

More stressful, grieving the loss of a loved one while coping with the fear and anxiety related to the COVID-19 pandemic can be especially overwhelming. Social distancing, “stay-at home-orders,” and limits on the size of in-person gatherings have changed the way friends and family can gather and grieve, including holding traditional funeral services, regardless of whether the person’s death was due to COVID-19.

After losing someone or something we loved well, we find ourselves in the strange and unsettling world of grief. We wonder who we are now and how we go on with our lives.

As well, a person may feel grief due to loss of a job; inability to connect in-person with friends, family, or religious organizations; missing special events and milestones (such as graduations, weddings, vacations); and experiencing drastic changes to daily routines and ways of life that bring comfort. You may also feel a sense of guilt for grieving over losses that seem less important than loss of life. Grief is a universal emotion; there is no right or wrong way to experience it, and all losses are significant.

Rather self and/or helping others, coping with grief isn't so difficult as it may seem. Below are coping strategies to help with emotions and feelings of grief:

  • Acknowledge your losses and your feelings of grief.

  • Find ways to express your grief. Some people express grief and find comfort through art, gardening, writing, talking to friends or family, cooking, music, gardening, or other creative practices.

  • Consider developing new rituals in your daily routine to stay connected with your loved ones to replace those rituals that have been lost.

  • People who live together may consider playing board games and exercising together outdoors.

  • People who live alone or are separated from their loved ones may consider interacting through phone calls and apps that allow for playing games together virtually.

  • If you are worried about future losses, try to stay in the present and focus on aspects of your life that you have control over right now.

Keeping in Mind….

Everyone grieves in a different way. Some people are numb and in shock. They can't cry for months, and then the floodgates open. Others cry constantly. Be prepared for numbness, or nonstop talking, or mood swings, tears, or anger. It's a roller coaster of emotions.

Remember, It’s Okay!

So, you may wonder, “How can I help someone that is Grieving?”

When giving emotional help to someone grieving, don't be afraid to tell the bereaved you are sorry and talk about the deceased. Anecdotes from friends about experiences they shared with the loved one can be a great comfort. So many people are afraid to even mention their names. Share the grief, talk, help, and share some tears. Don't worry if you don't know what to say, actions speak louder than words. To give support to someone grieving, you can do the following:

  • Send: cards, flowers, messages, cooked meals, cakes, food baskets. It helps to know that people are thinking of you and that the loved one was appreciated by others too.

  • Offer: to do shopping, give lifts, take your friend on outings, to do odd jobs around their home such as helping with the laundry or mowing the lawn.

  • Help: to pack up the deceased belongings if needed. Take them to the charity shop if your friend can't face it.

  • Encourage: your friend to go back to normal daily living activities, exercise, join groups, to keep active.

  • Suggest: a visit to the doctor or counselor if you suspect they are getting depressed.

Keep in Mind……

For those who are grieving, the holidays can be unfamiliar terrain. Whether you celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, this time is filled with fond remembrances of loved ones who are on your mind yet absent from your traditions and rituals. Acknowledging the difficulties of holidays after loss does not make a potentially difficult time any easier but preparing for the holidays by tapping into helpful coping strategies may provide some much-needed help. Since I have been working in the counseling profession and working with persons that are grieving a loss of a person, or a loss that may occur which relates to life circumstances, I have come across the three Cs for Holiday Grief. It has even helped me with my own grieving process through the years.

Three Cs for Holiday Grief by Dr. Kenneth J. Doka

Grief Expert, Kenneth J. Doka, PhD, shares his three Cs to help through difficult times through the holidays.

CHOOSE

During the holidays, it’s easy to drift into activities that have the potential to increase your pain. You have choices. Decide what you want to be part of, who you want to be with, and what you want to do.

COMMUNICATE

Discussing your choices with others, especially those affected by them, is important. They have needs as well. Their ways of dealing with grief may be different.

COMPROMISE

Each person deals with loss in his or her own way and therefore has different needs. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Leaving space for compromise is important.

Remember, “You Matter and It’s Okay.”

As I close, I would like to share that nothing changes the fact that the holidays can be especially difficult while grieving. But if you choose your actions, communicate your choices to others, and find suitable compromises, you may find that they become bearable and that you have renewed strength and hope.

-Carrie Davidson, LPC, NCC

Resources for Article and about Grief:

1. https://www.cdc.gov/mentalhealth/stress-coping/grief-loss/index.html

2. https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/stages-of-grief-education

3. https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-guide/grief-psychoeducation-guide

4. https://www.talkspace.com/blog/types-of-grief/

5. Developed from Journeys with Grief: A Collection of Articles about Love, Life and Loss, edited by Kenneth J. Doka, Ph.D., MDiv., copyright Hospice Foundation of America, 2012.

Resources for Grief Services and Support in the Baton Rouge Area to the following links:

1. Grief Recovery Center of Baton Rouge - https://www.grcbr.org

2. Hospice of Baton Rouge - https://hospicebr.org

Resources for Grief Groups in the Baton Rouge Area

1. https://www.griefshare.org/countries/us/states/la/cities/baton_rouge

2. Grief Recovery of Baton Rouge – www.grcbr.org

Resources for Grief National

SAMHSA Hotline - https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline 1-800-662-4537

National Alliance for Mental Hahttps://www.nami.org/

Carrie Davidson, LPC, NCC

 

COVID-19 Booster Shot Q&A

COVID-19 Booster Shot Q&A

We spoke to our mobile clinic’s nurse practitioner, Kristie Carazo to learn more about the COVID-19 booster shot now available at Open Health. Ms. Carazo has given over 4,000 vaccines since COVID-19 started and she along with health officials recommend getting a booster shot to protect yourself and our community.

What is a booster shot?

Vaccines do a great job at protecting us from serious diseases. Some vaccines can protect us forever after receiving the vaccination while others weaken over time and our body needs more than one shot of the vaccine to "Boost" our immunity. This extra shot is called a booster dose. Vaccines that we receive as kids to protect us against tetanus need a booster dose. Research shows that people will need a booster of the COVID-19 vaccine also.

Who is eligible to receive the booster shot?

Anyone who has received the Moderna/Pfizer vaccine 6-months after they receive their second dose.  As of today, people who have moderately to severely weakened immune systems can receive a third dose 28-days after receiving their second dose. This includes people who have been receiving cancer treatments, have had organ and stem cell transplants or severe primary immunodeficiency such as untreated HIV.

Does this mean my vaccine is no longer protecting me?

Kristie Carazo, FNP-C

The protection you have from a vaccine can gone down over time. Research into the Moderna and Pfizer vaccines show that a booster dose is needed to increase your protection to COVID-19. An extra COVID-19 vaccine dose could provide your body with more antibodies to help protect you from COVID-19 and the Delta variant.

Could a booster cause side effects?

Booster vaccines have the potential to cause side effects that you may have experienced after your initial dose. But everyone is different and each person can have different reactions to the booster.

Could you mix and match vaccines?

Yes, people will receive a booster dose of either Moderna or Pfizer depending on which vaccine they initially received.

What if I received the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?

You can choose which booster to receive from the Moderna or Pfizer vaccine.

Call us at 225-655-6422 to schedule your booster shot appointment.

Increasing Awareness of Domestic Violence

Increasing Awareness of Domestic Violence

Lynn Schlossberger, LPC

Increasing awareness of domestic abuse is like aiming your camera at a bird in flight.  It keeps changing, as stress increases.  According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 36% of Louisiana women experience abuse from an intimate partner in their lifetimes, and so do 35% of Louisiana men.  Most who are severely injured or murdered are women.   East Baton Rouge Parish has had 25 domestic violence murders so far in 2021, compared to 19 in all of 2020.   In vulnerable populations – anyone marginalized by race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or disability – the national rate of intimate partner violence over a lifetime may be closer to 50%, according to the director of the Center for Survivor Agency and Justice.  Between 2016 and 2018, rates across the US increased significantly.  During the first year of the pandemic, with reduced social contact and fewer resources, some cities reported a 20% jump in frequency.  It’s another form of pandemic, hidden in plain sight.  

Domestic violence, according to NCADV, is the willful intimidation, assault, or abuse that is part of a pattern of power and control by one intimate partner against another.  Abusers feel entitled to be in control of their partner at all times.  No group is immune.  Stereotypes are useless: abusers can look like normal, friendly, productive members of society.  We don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, and so we have to wake up to the warning signs.

Abuse is more obvious when it leaves visible bruises, but words can do profound damage too.  Abusers blame, shame, and intimidate their partners with threats of violence if they displease their abuser.  They often accuse their partners of wrongdoing, as if that somehow justified the violence.  They might punch the wall, hide the car keys, break the partner’s cellphone, or use it to check up on them a hundred times a day, control their credit card, isolate them from loved ones, threaten to hurt the dog, or threaten to seek custody of the kids if the abused partner complains.  Survivors of abuse – the term “victim” is stigmatizing – have good reason to hesitate to leave.  The time when the risk of violence is most severe is during the process of leaving an abusive relationship. 

Leaving an abusive relationship is hard.  Beyond fear of being assaulted, many survivors struggle because they lack resources.  They worry about supporting themselves or their kids.  They worry they will not be believed, particularly by law enforcement, but often by family or faith community as well.  And of course, they reminisce about the good times.  When the perpetrator of violence calms down, they often apologize, buy flowers, and promise it will never happen again.  The truth is that the psychopathology behind domestic violence does not go away on its own, and the next time is usually worse.  Treatment of perpetrators is available, and it is a long process.

Might someone you care about be at risk? Here are some warning signs.  Do they have injuries for which the explanation sounds fishy?  Do they manifest a decline in self-esteem?  Are they preoccupied by checking in with their partner?  Missing appointments without a clear reason? Ask them if something is wrong at home.  Be somebody it is safe to tell.  Choose a moment when they feel safe.  Avoid lecturing.  If you are a mandated reporter, include the person in a conversation about how to keep them safe.  Model calm in the midst of a storm.  Above all, be safe yourself.

For help 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233.

Suicide Prevention & Awareness

Suicide Prevention & Awareness

Victoria Young, MS, LPC, NCC

Victoria Young, MS, LPC, NCC

The month of September is dedicated to preventing suicide and instilling hope in communities across the nation. A large focus for Suicide Prevention Month pivots education. Suicide is preventable and one way to prevent suicide is to educate individuals on risk factors, warning signs, how to have conversations with loved ones when they are struggling with suicidal ideation or other somatic features, and provide resources that are available.

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 Though it might seem improbable , suicide affects all people. Within the past year, about 41,000 individuals died by suicide, 1.3 million adults have attempted suicide, 2.7 million adults have had a plan to attempt suicide and 9.3 million adults have had suicidal thoughts. Also, according to the  Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) Data & Statistics Fatal Injury Report for 2019; retrieved February 9, 2021, suicide is the 10th leading causes of death. Figuratively, when conceptualizing the stereotypes within the realm of mental health the current statistics could reflect a substantial increase due to the contemporary mental health stigma which prevents many people from reaching out and asking for help. Being aware of the warning signs could reduce both suicide attempts and deaths. Also, using verbiage free of jargon by asking the simple question, “Are you having thoughts of suicide?” could ultimately save a life.

 Remembering that there is no single reason why someone might contemplate suicide. Suicide does not discriminate by age, gender, wealth, race, religious preference or sexuality. Someone thinking about suicide may be experiencing symptoms of a mental illness or they may NOT. Someone thinking about suicide may have a variety of life stressors that could include but may not be limited to: grief ( anticipatory, sudden, complicated) financial destitution or lack of economic support, relationship complexities, losing a job, changes in health, or another significant life change.

 What are some warning signs of suicide?

Most common warning signs that someone may be thinking about suicide include:

  • Changes in mood

  • Giving away prized possessions

  • Putting final affairs in order

  • Withdrawing

  • Changes in physical appearance

  • Prior suicide attempts

  • Alcohol or drug use

  • High-risk behaviors

  • Making statements with themes of hopelessness, helplessness, and fear of becoming a burden

  • Making verbal suicide threats, such as “I want to die” or “I’m going to kill myself”

  • Feeling like a burden

  • Being isolated

  • Increased anxiety

  • Feeling trapped or in unbearable pain

  • Expressing hopelessness

  • Sleeping too little or too much

  • Talking or posting about wanting to die

  • Making plans for suicide

 How can you help someone who might be suicidal?

 If you are concerned about someone, ask them: “Are you having thoughts of suicide?” Or ask, “Are you having thoughts of killing yourself?” Simply asking one of these questions can save a life.

Unfortunately, there are many misconceptions  regarding  suicide. One of them is that if you ask a person if they are having thoughts of suicide, you are planting the seed for that individual to engage with self injurious behavior that will contribute to them carrying out their plans for suicide. This is not true. Actually, asking the question opens the door for that person to share personal thoughts, feelings and experiences. If a person is thinking about suicide, STOP, LISTEN, and REACT.  Help that individual access resources. 

Confidential crisis help is available 24/7 by phone:

For more specific resources for those struggling with suicide within the Baton Rouge metropolitan area. 

  • The Bridge Center Baton Rouge
    Website

  • THE PHONE Baton Rouge (225-924-3900)
    24-hour crisis counseling and emotional support line serving the Greater Baton Rouge Area.

  • THE PHONE LSU (225-924-LSU1)
    24-hour crisis counseling and emotional support line serving the students of Louisiana State University (LSU).

  • KIDLINE (1-800-CHILDREN)
    Kidline is an anonymous, toll-free, statewide telephone service offering crisis intervention, support, parenting information and referrals to community resources within the state of Louisiana. KIDLINE counselors are available 24 hours per day – 7 days per week.

  • VIA LINK Call Center (211)
    Capital area, Greater New Orleans Area, and Northshore Website

The signs of crisis is all around us. Society depicts  that someone who is suicidal is a person who is in  a permanent situation.  We must work together to debunk and banish that stigma and stereotype. We must work as a team to help society realize the importance of helping others seek treatment and show individuals the importance of addressing their mental health challenges so suicide is not an option. Eliminating the stigma starts by understanding why suicide occurs, being aware of the warning signs, assisting ones with accessing specific resources for those struggling with suicide, and advocating for mental health awareness within our communities. 

References

 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2014). Preventing Suicide. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. 

https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/pdf/preventing-suicide-factsheet-2021-508.pdf

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2019). Suicide rising across the U.S. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://www.cdc.gov/vitalsigns/suicide/


Victoria Young, MS, LPC, NCC

Men's Mental Health:  Why Talking About it is Still Taboo

Men’s Mental Health

Six million American men suffer from depression every year. Many men attempt to treat mental illness themselves, and in the process, 1 in 5 men eventually develop alcohol or drug abuse.  Some try to cut out difficult emotions by attaching their self-worth to the successes in their work and social lives.  According to the National Institute of Mental Health, men are 4-times more likely to commit suicide than women.

Stigma about mental health is deadly.  Men deny their symptoms because they learn that acknowledging emotional pain is a sign of weakness, and asking for help is shameful.  However, depression does not disappear just because we ignore it; when it goes untreated, male depression may appear as insomnia, irritability, needless conflict, somatic complaints, or anger. This is "toxic masculinity": a portrayal of manhood that requires a guy to always be tough, in control, to resist change, and never to be vulnerable.  Those who are bound by a toxic masculine self-image often repress their emotions, even pleasant ones.  They are more likely to disrespect women, distrust others, be homophobic, and refuse to eat vegetables.

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Symptoms of male depression are hard to detect because men hide them. Other medical conditions, such as diabetes or heart disease, camouflage them, as, of course, do alcohol and other street drugs.   For older men, a drop in testosterone levels is also associated with symptoms of depression.  When men don't bring it up, caregivers may ask about emotional pain, the pain of the heart, with the same attention one might give to a question about a pain in the chest.  All pain deserves help.

The truth is that nobody is exempt from experiencing sadness, disappointment, or self-doubt.  Men and women are prone to depression and other mental illnesses, such as bipolar disorder, but men are less likely to get help.  Manic symptoms of bipolar can lead to poor decision-making and negatively affect your life.   90% of those diagnosed with Schizophrenia in early adulthood are men.  Psychosis, like depression, is a brain function, not a character flaw.  Hiding your symptoms won't make them go away, don't be ashamed to ask for help.

Lynn Schlossberger, LPC