Where Do You Belong?
Hint: It’s important.
Times of rapid change and political turmoil bring stress to the most resilient of us. A counseling patient recently told me, “the state of the world bothers me more than what’s going on in my personal life”. What is a good coping method for feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable? We need emotional safety.
A sense of belonging is essential to our emotional wellbeing in stressful times. Feeling like an outsider, alienated and invisible, having no voice in serious matters, triggers the same regions of the brain as physical pain, disrupts sleep, and weakens the immune system. Feeling seen and valued, not just for what we do but for who we are, is good medicine. The Mayo Clinic has found that the sense of belonging somewhere in this crazy world is a strong protective factor for getting through adversity with our wits intact, and even a protective factor for acute distress, and severe depression, and suicide.
Suicide Prevention Month, like the beginning of hurricane season, is a good time to replenish our coping resources. In a season when an atmosphere of belligerent political arguments leads to family strain, cold shoulders, and unfriending our support system, we may wonder where to turn for emotional support when life is hard. We do not have to agree, in order to embody core values of compassion and mutual respect. In moments of personal crisis, those resources can become critical. Feeling alone is a risk factor. Feeling at home in the world is protective.
Finding meaningful social connection is more difficult at a time that the culture at large is divisive, and social media facilitates toxic verbal exchanges that the same people would likely moderate, if they were face to face. Cultivating the intent to humanize others we disagree with is difficult, but perhaps it is realistic to seek something simple that we have in common. We can make room for bonding opportunities around universal human experiences, like enjoying the sunrise. We can seek people able to offer a friendly greeting, without expectations, or willing to sit by a stranger in a meeting. We can create a workplace or a neighborhood street mindful of the importance of being community for one another, knowing that people may carry unnamed hurt or stress.
Suicide doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It occurs in the context of accumulated disappointment and loneliness, giving up on finding welcome, or understanding, or the hope that our viewpoint matters to others. Being at home in the world begins with being at home within ourselves. Notice what your heart yearns for, and take it seriously. Wants may evolve. Others may assume they know you, when they do not. Acceptance, the belief that we belong in this world, begins with us. Consider that you are worthy to be recognized. Make visible what you want others to see, and consider what an invitation to a shared moment looks like. Each of us deserves nurture, belonging, and protection from acute moments of despair. So may it be.
Lynn Schlossberger, LPC